I'm sorry I had three drinks before I came over for cocktails. I should have controlled myself - but it was my birthday! I'm sorry I was too drunk to use the ATM, and you had to pay for dinner. I'm really sorry you managed to video it. Also, I'm sorry I can't remember anything we talked about at dinner, and now keep looking at you blankfaced when you refer to our conversation. I'm sorry that your friends, who I met for the first time, think I'm retarded, and I'm sorry, Steve, to you especially, since we hadn't talked in like three years, and I was staying at your house, and you don't even drink, and you didn't know the other people there.

God I wish I could say it won't ever happen again, but we all know that's bullshit.